I realize this list will probably grow throughout the rest of my marriage to hubs (can I get a “what, what,” married ladies?), but I thought I’d share a few of the most important things I’ve learned in my 3.5 years as a wifey, some about relationships and some about myself.
What I think is normal isn’t necessarily normal. It might be downright weird to the hubs. I first noticed this when I learned that he didn’t like the sheet tucked into the end of the bed. In fact, he doesn’t like sleeping with the sheet at all. I thought that was absolutely weird and would make the bed as “normal” in the beginning, only to watch him untuck the sheet on his side every night. It was at least two years into our marriage before I figured out how to resolve this: fold the sheet in half and only tuck it into my side of the bed. Now, we can both sleep soundly and weirdly. Anyone else suffering from different sleeping habits, you’re welcome.
This type of thing happens often–where I have an expectation that doesn’t fall in line with one of his. And now I really understand how that whole compromise thing has to come into play.
I’m a roller-coaster Martha Stewart. Some nights I love spending hours in the kitchen cooking and baking and experimenting. Others I loathe the thought of it. Cleaning and decorating are the same. Why, the other day I rearranged the living room. Just because I got some weird urge for a change in furniture position. The good thing is, although my husband loves eating my food, he never expects dinner to be on the table at 6:00pm sharp every night. (Thank goodness, too, since I’m usually just leaving work at 6.) He would rather me be stress-free than feel the pressure to be a domestic goddess.
And I’m not ashamed of my lukewarm Martha Stewart-ness.
Sometimes I choose the wrong battles. Does it really matter that hubs forgot to take the trash out when I asked him?* No, definitely not. But I used to do that passive sighing loudly thing when something bugged me. Really? Sighing? Yeah, I learned the ridiculousness of that pretty quickly. After all, “love is patient, love is kind,” but mostly, it’s patient.
The time spent apart can be just as important as the time spent together. Hubs and I love each other (duh.). We have things we love to do together and friends in common, of course. But we also have our own friends and our own hobbies. I truly believe that spending time apart can make the times together that much more special.
I’m an over-communicator. This is something I’m working on, especially since hubs is definitely not an over-communicator. I’m trying to choose when and what I need to communicate.
Other married women out there, what important lessons have you learned in your marriage?
Gap dress and top, Old Navy boots, F21 necklace
*Totally fabricated for dramatic effect. He always takes out the trash when I ask him.